how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
