Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Enjoy the penises
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
