What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
