So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My ass is underappreciated
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
