Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize