new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
