They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
