You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
