His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
