Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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