I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
