Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
