tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize