I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
