apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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