apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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