HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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