Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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