if only i could text you this smell
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
