my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's rum buckets o'clock
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
