I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
