i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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