the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
