It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
