I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
