My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
