There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
