Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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