His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
