...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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