I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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