We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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