I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
