You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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