i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
