My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
