Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
