Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
