So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize