a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
