you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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