It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
