i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
