It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
