there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
