I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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