There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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