Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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