Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
