Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
