You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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