hotel room ftw
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
