a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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