i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
