I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!