He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.