if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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