someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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