So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
