Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.