You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.