If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dicks are not precious.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.