There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
3pm strippers are depressing
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth