i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
