I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
