I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
