I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
