His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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