You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
