dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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