She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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