im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
