Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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